My Old Dossier

Back when I lived in Evansville, Indiana I used to enjoy reading "Dossier: A Personal Look at Tri-State News Makers" in the local paper. This was a weekly feature compiled by Anne Schleper - then features editor for the Evansville Courier & Press - that posed the same series of questions to prominent people in the community.

Most people gave pretty obvious answers, stating that their most treasured possession is their children, or that their secret vice is chocolate. Not terribly imaginative, in my opinion. So every Wednesday as I read this feature, I would come up with my own answers for these questions. After a while I started writing them down and soon had written something that I was satisfied with for each question.

Now although I had only been in Evansville for half a year, I figured I could claim to be a prominent member of the community since the paper had just run a story on me and the bike club I was starting at Patchwork Central. So I fired off an email to Anne Schelper.

Keep in mind that Anne would usually invite people to be part of this feature, so I was being rather presumptuous sending her my unsolicited answers. However she must have like what I had written because she sent Courier & Press photographer, Bob Gwaltney over to take my photo for the feature.

With no further ado, here it is, from the Wednesday, September 20, 2000 Evansville Courier & Press, my dossier:

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DOSSIER: Richard Wm. Unger
Director of the Patchwork Central Bike Club

Occupation:

Director of the Patchwork Central Bike Club

Three things that always can be found in your refrigerator:

Always? Shelves, cold air and a variety of microscopic biota.

Most fulfilling job:

Any job that doesn't feel like a job, which fortunately is something I happen to have right now working in the children's program at Patchwork Central.

If you could keep only two books, what would those be?

How to Get Through Life with Only Two Books and The Only Other Book You'll Ever Need. Both have yet to be written.

What do you value most in friends?

Mutual admiration.

Secret vice:

I get a kick out of running around playgrounds playing tag with the kids in my program.

Dream vacation:

I go on one most every night when I go to sleep.

What is it you most dislike?

The myth that Canadians pronounce "about" as "a-boot"! I'd never heard anyone say "a-boot" until I moved to the States.

Favorite candy bar:

Eat-More: Chewy chocolate toffee with loads of peanuts.

Most treasured possession:

The photographs I have taken over the years.

Greatest accomplishment:

Learning to dress myself.

Greatest regret:

Having to dress myself.

Greatest love:

To the best of my knowledge, it remains unrequited.

What you dislike most about your appearance:

My reflection. It just looks all backward to me.

Most marked characteristic:

My pointy Star Trek sideburns.

Who would play you in the movies?

Edward Norton.

With whom would you most like to have dinner?

Wallace Shawn. His dinner with Andre seemed to go quite well.

Evansville's best-kept secret:

There are so many people here who are wonderfully generous with their time and resources.

Favorite musician:

My friend Tracy Lee, who has such an amazing voice.

When and where were you happiest?

I imagine life in the womb would have been quite pleasant.

Favorite food:

Doro Tibs (Ethiopian), Ponderosos (Salvadoran), and Gelati & Canoli (Italian).

If you could live anywhere, where would that be?

Ever since I was a kid, I thought it would be so cool to live in a giant dirigible that I could fly to wondrous places all around the world.

First car:

A gold-fleck-toned Matchbox sedan with opening doors and hood.

If money and power were no object, what would you do to benefit Evansville?

I'd make it possible for all kids here to realize their full potential regardless of what hand they've been dealt in life ... and they all have tons of potential.

How do you hope to be remembered?

"They say you are only young once. Rick was young once, too... his whole life long."

When you were 6 years old, what did you want to be?

7 years old.

When did you first realize that a bikini bathing suit was in your past?

I've never worn a bikini bathing suit. It's either a comfortable set of trunks or nothing at all for me.

Which words or phrases do you overuse?

Eh. (What can I say; I'm Canadian, eh?)

When did you receive your first kiss?

Cindy Schmidt & I snuck out of kindergarten early, hid behind a tree, puckered up and kissed.

What is the best advice you could give a 20-year-old?

"Life is full of opportunity. Accept all good opportunities that come your way." And then, if she is intelligent, fun, beautiful, etc., I would also suggest she marry me.

Behind my back, people say:

Ps psspspspsps spspss, Rick psspspsppspsp. (That's all I can make out.)

People would be surprised if they knew:

How good, when sprinkled with a bit of sugar, a sour cream-on-rye sandwich can be.

Date: Wednesday, September 6, 2000

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I should add that after this ran in the paper, two women were bold enough to contact me. One sent me her business card (with photo), a schedule for the classic movie theater across the river in Henderson, Kentucky and a short note stating that she found me interesting and thought we should get together to see a movie sometime.

The other woman phoned me at Patchwork and invited me to join a group she was involved with called the Hash House Harriers. She explained that it is a group of runners who get together & drink beer. Seeing as I don't run or drink, the prospect of joining a group such as this held little interest for me. It's too bad, because otherwise this woman actually sounded pretty interesting herself.

Although I didn't follow up with either of these women, I was flattered that their responses. Many other people - folks I actually knew - also told me that they enjoyed reading my dossier.

RICK